Training for Menopause

Menopause. There, I said it—a word surrounded by mystery, disdain, and discomfort. I decided to tackle the stigma head-on and talk about it. So, here we are. But why does menopause seem like such a forbidden and dreaded topic? Is it because there hasn’t been significant, widely publicized research on the subject? Are our physicians and caregivers—whom we trust with our most valued possession, our bodies—fully aware of the knowledge surrounding such a major turning point in our lives? It’s time we talked about it.

When I got my period at age 12 (in 1982), my parents took me out to a fancy dinner at the Williamsburg Inn in Virginia—one of the most elegant restaurants in the area at the time. My best friend still teases me about that dinner: “What did you tell the restaurant staff you were celebrating?” It was my dad’s unique way of marking a very important “rite of passage”—the beginning of womanhood. He was fascinated by the rites of passage (or lack thereof) in our American culture. While other cultures have ceremonies marking a child’s transition to adulthood—like Bar Mitzvahs in Jewish tradition—our American culture lacks such traditional ceremonies. So, my dad created his own. Just as he had created a baby dedication ceremony in our Baptist church in 1970 when I was born. The Baptists didn’t have a ceremony to bless or baptize babies as some other faiths do, but my father wanted a way to invite the church to help raise the children of our faith community. Whether or not you believe in a deity, the idea of asking for the community’s help in raising children makes a lot of sense. After all, it takes a village.

So, what does all this have to do with menopause? It’s simple—menopause is a rite of passage. It marks the end of young womanhood and the beginning of older womanhood, the end of our childbearing years and the start of a new chapter in our lives. This stage of life, which I call the "wisdom years," is when we become priestesses, leaders, mentors, and teachers. We move into a phase where we can use the wisdom we've gained over the years. Yet, this stage is often met with fear. Why? Perhaps because our culture doesn’t respect concepts like “old,” “elderly,” or “senior.” We worship youth and spend countless time and money trying to “stay young” and “look young.” But aren’t there benefits to aging?

Maybe we should pause and think about what aging really brings us—not just pain, weakness, or decline, but also wisdom, knowledge, and perspective. As we age, we can finally care less about how we appear to others and focus on our true gifts—the ones that allow us to serve ourselves and others more fully. If we aren’t using our best selves during this stage, are we really living at all? Older age offers opportunities to contribute to the world in ways we haven’t been able to before. Yet, until recently, people have shushed each other when the topic of menopause was raised. If we don’t talk about it, how will we ever find solutions to the problems and questions that arise when menopause happens?

Let’s talk about it—everyone, not just women. If we want to thrive during these years of transition, a universal understanding of what’s happening during menopause is necessary. In order to understand what the menopause process means, conversations have to happen. Shushing each other or only talking about how horrible menopause is won’t bring solutions. Creating groups and resources for discussion is how we will learn enough about menopause until more research can create helpful solutions. For now, the women who are going through menopause and those who have already experienced it are our best resources. Even the best physician or health care practitioner doesn’t live in your body and can’t tell you what works for you and what doesn’t. Only you can know that for sure. We can try different treatments, but the only way to know if they work for you is to begin the experiment. I’ve found that even excellent doctors have only so many suggestions. It’s through talking to other women that I’ve discovered many remedies that my doctors never recommended. We need to use each other as resources for treatment options while also consulting our health professionals to find comprehensive, helpful treatments for our unique and not-so-unique menopause symptoms.

In finding solutions for menopause symptoms, we need our doctors, as well as our peers, friends, and families, to understand that we are going through a health journey that may not be easy. I’m not saying they need to know all the details about our symptoms, but acknowledging that we are undergoing a life-changing process allows those who want to help and love us to be part of the solutions that will improve our quality of life during this potentially difficult period. We can also try to prepare ourselves before our menopause journey begins. Granted, we don’t have the luxury of knowing exactly when menopause will start for us, but if we have any information about when our female relatives started and what their symptoms were like, we may gain some insight into how it will be for us. For example, my mom started her menopause journey at 52. As it turns out, so did I. I’m now 54, and it has been challenging so far. Not everyone will follow their relatives’ timeline, but it may give some clues. Luckily, in my mid-40s, after I had my two children, I began thinking about menopause. I was done having kids, and after having my period since I was 12, I was ready for it to end. The idea of being able to have sex without the risk of pregnancy was incredibly appealing. That’s when I asked my mom when menopause started for her. Learning that it might begin soon gave me pause to think: was there a way I could “train” or prepare for menopause before it suddenly hit? At age 40, I had trained like an athlete to have my second child at home in a birth pool. Why not train for the next life event?

Admittedly, menopause is not the same as a home birth, but I realized that there might be certain habits and routines I could establish before the time comes. As an occupational therapist, I was taught that our lives are like a pie with four even slices: work, rest, sleep, and play. That means each of these activities should take up equal amounts of time in our lives. Yeah, right. Who actually lives their life that way?

Traditional Life Balance

Most of us aren’t that good, but we want to be! So, where do we start? How do we know what will help us before we even get to that stage of life or event? We have some ideas based on what we know could happen. For instance, we know that some women gain weight during menopause despite doing all the healthy things that worked before. If weight gain is a possibility, what about getting our eating habits under control before that period of weight gain even begins? Check your protein intake—we need more protein in times of change, such as increased activity, pregnancy, healing, or training for an athletic event. Knowing that a time is approaching when weight gain is possible, it makes sense to start improving our diets. If we don’t know what makes up a good diet, there are professionals we can consult. One of my favorite practitioners in the Richmond, Virginia area for nutrition and lifestyle is Tina Shiver with Lighten Up. She is a holistic nutritionist, not a registered dietitian. In my opinion, a holistic nutritionist is trained in true and proper human nutrition and lifestyle, unlike registered dietitians who are taught within the limitations of our American “health care” system, which, as most of us know, is more about sick care than true health care. If you want to properly nourish yourself and get ready for the challenges of menopause, I highly recommend consulting with a holistic nutritionist or naturopathic doctor. The popular rhetoric about nutrition is mostly just that—rhetoric. It’s historically been based on the lobbying and greed of the dairy industry, the insurance business, and Big Pharma, not on true nutrition.

So, where to start? Nourishment of self is a good place, but any of the slices in the chart above could be a starting point. In considering the pie chart, I began to see a fifth slice that should be part of the pie: work, rest, sleep, play. What about meditation, spirituality, prayer? That part of life didn’t seem to fit into work, rest, sleep, or play. Meditation/spirituality/prayer seemed to be its own category. So, my revised pie chart now includes five slices: work, rest, sleep, play, meditation.

Revised Life Balance Chart

In my next blog post, I’ll go into greater detail about each of these five categories. We’ll explore how each area of our lives can be adjusted with patience and practice to “train for menopause.” If we start thinking about these areas of life before they’re disrupted by the “change of life,” we can prepare for those disruptions by establishing better habits now. At what point in our lives is it ever a bad idea to try to improve our lifestyle and daily habits as much as possible? I’m looking forward to exploring these habits in greater depth with you!